


Standing Down

by rusty_armour



Series: No Matter What the Cost [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 08:18:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rusty_armour/pseuds/rusty_armour
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hayes gains some insight into Reed's behaviour and the problems that exist between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standing Down

**Author's Note:**

> I thought the first story was a challenge, but I really struggled with this one! We're talking major revisions, total re-writes and even an added scene! Yes, this fic was a bitch, but I *think* it was all worth it in the end. *g* Besides extending another heartfelt thank you to my betas, I'd like to acknowledge the other MACO writers who have entertained and inspired me with their stories.
> 
> I owe a huge debt to Leah, who not only gave me valuable guidance and suggestions but set me back on course after I had floundered. I don't think this story would have been possible without her. I would also like to thank my good friend, Kathye, for taking time out of a hectic week to provide advice and comments on the second draft.
> 
> This is a sequel to "Circumventing Authority".
> 
> ©2004

* * *

  
He didn't realize it was possible, but Chef had apparently found a way to re-sequence the baked potato. At least, he was pretty sure it was re-sequenced. The colour and texture didn't seem quite right. But then nothing had looked right since he had left sickbay.

As he had headed for the armoury, the metal bulkheads had suddenly seemed cold and alien. For the first time he had felt out of place--entirely out of place. While he had never been completely comfortable on Enterprise, he had at least understood his role in the mission. Now he wasn't so sure. He was beginning to suspect that, even with all of the lunar survival training, he wouldn't cut it in the Expanse. And that's when it truly hit him.

He was in space. God-damn outer space.

Hayes stared at the baked potato again then poked it experimentally with his fork.

"May we join you, sir?"

Hayes's head snapped up in surprise. Sergeant Kemper and Corporal Chang were standing across from him.

Hayes nodded and his men plonked their trays on the table. For the next few minutes, there was no further conversation as Kemper and Chang wolfed down their food. Hayes continued to pick at his own meal, oblivious to everything around him until Kemper spoke again.

"You did the right thing, sir," Kemper said.

"What?" Hayes asked.

"You did the right thing," Kemper repeated. "During the mutiny. You were just following orders, sir."

Wasn't that the same defence used by war criminals at Nuremberg? Despite Kemper's best intentions, this didn't exactly sound flattering.

"Following orders," Hayes muttered to himself.

He had been the model soldier. He had respected the chain of command and followed the captain's orders without question. And, yet, he had known that Archer hadn't been in his right mind. He had only needed to hear the captain accuse his tactical officer of sabotaging the mission to figure that out.

"Look at Reed," Kemper said, as if reading Hayes's mind. "He looks like the cat that swallowed the canary--and the bird cage."

Hayes followed the direction of his sergeant's gaze. Reed was standing in line for his supper, smiling at something Travis Mayweather had just said. Hayes tried not to grimace as he remembered the way Mayweather had tackled him on the bridge, or how embarrassed he'd felt when the ensign had escorted him to his quarters at gunpoint.

"You'd think he'd led the mutiny single-handed the way he's gloating," Kemper continued, stabbing a carrot on his plate with more force than was really necessary.

"He probably thinks he did," Chang grumbled, finally deciding to voice his opinion as well. "He's so full of himself."

Hayes's eyebrows rose in amazement.

_Reed? Full of himself?_ Hayes thought. _Are they talking about the same man who's so insecure he believes I'm trying to take over his job--and that I might actually succeed? Are they talking about the same man who blushed when I complimented him on one of his finer attributes?_

Hayes smiled fleetingly at the memory.

"It's not as if Reed took over the whole ship," Kemper said, bringing his C.O. back to the present. "He only had to secure the bridge, and it couldn't have been that hard."

Hayes's fork fell on the table with a clatter. "_Excuse me_?"

Kemper's eyes widened as soon as he realized his mistake, and Hayes saw Chang wince in sympathy.

"Wh-what I meant to say was that they...they outnumbered us, sir."

"No, both sides were pretty evenly matched, Sergeant," Hayes said. "Reed's only advantage was the loyalty of the crew, Ensign Mayweather especially."

Kemper swallowed nervously. He looked as if he was desperate to break eye contact with his superior, but didn't dare make the attempt.

"You-you were still right, sir," Kemper concluded weakly.

"But that's just it," Hayes said. "I wasn't right. I was _wrong._ About everything."

"But, sir--" Chang began.

Hayes shook his head. "It's not enough to follow orders anymore. Not out here. I'm out of my depth--I can see that now--and if I'm going to survive this mission, I'm going to have to change and adapt. We all will."

Hayes stole another glance at the lieutenant. Both Reed and Mayweather now had full trays and were heading for a vacant table. Reed was still smiling, and Hayes saw him give a quick nod to a crewman. Then Reed's eyes were suddenly locked on him.

Hayes had expected the smile to vanish instantly, but it remained. Hayes found his own lips twitching in response. Reed seemed to be in an incredibly good mood. Maybe he had been infected as well. Hayes tried to picture a maternal Reed cradling a baby insectoid in his arms, and almost burst out laughing.

"Sir, are you okay?" Kemper asked.

Hayes's gaze returned to his men. Kemper and Chang were staring at him as if he had gone bug crazy too. Hayes was about to offer an explanation for his behaviour, when he was interrupted by a frighteningly cheerful voice.

"Ah, Major Hayes! I thought I might find you here."

Hayes nodded politely. "Doctor, is there something I can help you with?" he said, hoping fervently that Phlox hadn't arrived to continue their previous attempt at a conversation.

"Actually, Major, I think it's more a question of me helping you," Phlox said. "I've just come from the captain, and he's well enough to receive visitors, if you'd still like to speak to him."

"What?" Hayes asked in confusion. Then he remembered the discussion in sickbay with Phlox, T'Pol, Tucker and Reed. He had asked to speak to the captain, to verify their claims about his mental state at the time of the mutiny. But that had been before Phlox had explained about the neurochemical and the reverse imprinting--and before Hayes had seen the medical scans of Archer's synaptic pathways. It seemed stupid to approach the captain now.

"It's okay, Doctor," he said. "I think we covered all the facts in sickbay. I don't need to see the captain."

"Oh?" Phlox sounded surprised. "I was sure you'd wish to speak to him. He seems eager to speak to you."

"He does?"

"Yes, Major. In fact, he was really most insistent."

Hayes lifted the napkin from his lap and quickly wiped his lips. "I'd better get going, then."

"But, Major, you haven't finished your dinner," Phlox said.

Hayes glanced at the baked potato and stood up immediately.

"I wasn't really all that hungry. If you'll excuse me."

"Good luck, sir," Kemper and Chang said in unison.

"Thanks," Hayes muttered. His eyes flitted back to Reed's table. The lieutenant was watching him curiously.

Hayes turned sharply on his heel and marched out of the mess hall.

* * *

"I assume the Doctor has filled you in on...the situation."

"Yes, sir," Hayes said. He was standing in the captain's quarters, wondering why he wasn't feeling more uncomfortable addressing a man lounging in his bed. However, Archer had explained that Phlox had ordered him to rest, and Hayes couldn't blame Archer for sticking to his bed after what he'd just gone through.

"I'd like to apologize for my behaviour, and make sure that you're okay with all this," Archer continued, absently scratching his dog's head. "I know that the, uh..."

"Situation, sir?"

"--Situation wasn't exactly pleasant for any of us, but it had to be pretty awkward for you. I told Commander Tucker that I'd like to put all of this behind us. I hope you agree, Major."

"I'd like nothing better, sir."

Archer smiled. "Great. I'm glad to hear it."

Porthos also seemed happy to hear the news. He walked to the foot of the bed, his tail wagging. Hayes moved forward without thinking and reached out to pet the dog. Then he stopped and looked at the captain, who was watching them in amusement.

"Go ahead," Archer said.

Hayes held out a hand for Porthos to sniff before petting the beagle. He hadn't realized it before, but dogs were something he had missed. He had always had a soft spot for dogs and, while he had seen Porthos out for walks with the captain, he had never seen the beagle up close before. This was nice.

"Do you have a dog, Major?" Archer asked. "Back on earth, I mean."

Hayes shook his head. "No. Not for a long time, sir."

Archer was silent for a moment. Then he said, "German Shepherd?"

Hayes looked up in surprise. "How'd you know?"

Archer shrugged. "You seem like the type."

"Oh..." What the hell was that supposed to mean?

As if sensing that Hayes had become distracted, Porthos flopped down on the mattress and rolled onto his back. Hayes automatically scratched the dog's belly.

"I heard you and Lieutenant Reed had a showdown on the bridge," Archer said.

Hayes froze for a second, his hand returning to his side.

"T'Pol and Lieutenant Reed were attempting to secure the bridge, but I wouldn't stand down," he said. "We...we were at an impasse, sir. Fortunately for Lieutenant Reed, Ensign Mayweather paid attention during our training sessions. He tackled me when I was trying to reach you over the comm." Hayes grimaced. "Not my finest moment, sir."

Archer laughed quietly. "Your recent record can't possibly be as bad as mine."

"You weren't...feeling well, sir. That stuff the baby insectoid sprayed in your face--"

Archer raised a hand and cut Hayes off. "I know. But that still doesn't change the fact that I almost sabotaged the mission."

"You weren't the only one, sir," Hayes said. "I knew something was wrong, but I didn't question your orders. I followed them blindly." Hayes shook his head. "I asked Lieutenant Reed why he didn't come to me with his concerns. He said he couldn't be sure whether I'd side with you. He didn't trust me."

Archer shifted against his pillows, sitting up a little straighter.

"He may not have felt he could trust you, Major, but I think he still respects you."

Hayes's forehead furrowed. "How can he respect me if he doesn't trust me?"

"Are you familiar with the old expression: 'It takes one to know one'?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Lieutenant Reed is about as spit and polish as they come--by Starfleet standards, anyway. He does everything by the book and can probably list off every regulation by heart. You may have been on opposite sides during the mutiny, but if I know Malcolm Reed at all, I think he respected you for following orders and staying at your post. Under any other circumstances, I'm sure he would have done the same thing."

Hayes nodded. "I'm sure you're right, sir."

"Of course, if you had asked me a year ago, I would have said that Lieutenant Reed would never turn against his captain--under any circumstances," Archer said in chagrin. "But then I never thought I'd see the day when I'd relieve him as tactical officer either." Archer sighed and rubbed his face wearily. "I should probably talk to Malcolm about that--once we've completed the mission."

Hayes instantly heard a siren go off in his head. He was beginning to wonder if Archer really knew Reed as well as he thought he did.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Hayes asked.

Archer blinked in astonishment. "Permission granted."

"With all due respect, sir, I think that's the last thing you should do."

Now Archer looked confused. "You don't think I should talk to Malcolm?"

"No, I think you should talk to him, sir. What I don't think you should do is wait until after the mission."

"Oh?" Archer asked. "Why?"

"I mean no disrespect to Lieutenant Reed," Hayes said, "but I've noticed that he's in the habit of...of bottling things up, sir. And the longer you wait to talk to him, the more time he'll have to nurse any anger or resentment he might be feeling." _Not to mention paranoia,_ he thought. "Sir, I think you should talk to him before...before the lid pops off the bottle, so to speak."

Archer stared at Hayes in disbelief for a second before breaking into a grin. "So you've noticed that too."

"Yes, sir," Hayes said solemnly.

Archer nodded, fighting the grin. "I didn't want to ask before, but did Malcolm start that fight?"

"Yes, sir," Hayes said. "But I'm equally responsible--I didn't walk away."

"I see." The captain hit a button on his comm panel. "Archer to Reed."

A response came immediately.

"Reed here."

"I would appreciate it if you would report to my quarters, Lieutenant."

There was a brief pause before Reed spoke again.

"Of course, sir. I'll be right there."

"There's no hurry, Malcolm. Just come when you can. Archer out." The captain looked away from the comm and focused on Hayes again. "Thanks for the advice, Major."

"It was my pleasure, sir," Hayes said. "As I'm sure you'd prefer to speak to Lieutenant Reed in private..."

Archer smiled. "You're dismissed. Good night, Major."

"Thank you, sir. Good night."

Hayes had left Archer's quarters and was making his way to the lift, when he saw Reed heading in his direction.

"Lieutenant," he said politely.

Reed stopped in front of Hayes, his eyes flicking from Hayes's face to the door at the end of the corridor. His expression seemed to darken for an instant. Then he nodded a curt greeting and walked past the MACO. Hayes stared at Reed's back, wondering what had happened to the smiling lieutenant from the mess hall.

* * *

Hayes had noticed that he could usually clear the gym of Starfleet personnel in under five minutes. He didn't know if this was because he intimidated the fleeters, or if they were just uncomfortable with a MACO looking over their shoulders. Tonight was no different. He had managed to chase Ensign Tanner and Crewman Novakovich from the exercise bikes three minutes after his arrival. Watching them leave, he had simply shrugged and thrown another punch at the bag swinging in front of him.

It was good to release some of the tension that had been building for the past two days. Although Hayes felt better after his conversation with Archer, he had been craving an outlet for his pent up frustrations. The mutiny was still bothering him. He knew that such drastic measures might have been prevented if he and Reed had been able to work together instead of participating in another pissing contest. Hayes hit the bag harder, enjoying the satisfying thud that accompanied the right cross. Then he subjected the bag to a succession of rapid jabs.

"Found a new sparring partner, Major?"

Hayes started in surprise. He had been so involved in his workout that he hadn't heard Reed enter the gym.

"Lieutenant, I didn't see you there," Hayes said, stepping away from the punching bag.

"Obviously." Reed crossed his arms and stared coldly at Hayes.

Hayes quickly wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm trying to resist the urge to hit you, Major," Reed said.

Hayes's eyebrows shot up. "Why? What did I do this time?"

"You set me up!" Reed snarled.

"Set you up?" Hayes asked in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

Reed walked towards Hayes, and the major moved into a guard position, expecting an attack. But Reed stepped around him and, pulling back his fist, struck the punching bag instead.

"You knew that if I saw you leaving the captain's quarters, I would assume you had gone over my head about that extra training session!" Reed shouted.

"Training session?" Hayes exclaimed. "What training session?" He paused for a second, his brow creasing. "The one we talked about in the shuttlepod?"

Reed laughed abruptly. "You know damn well it is! Just as you knew what would happen when the captain called me to his quarters!"

"I didn't set you up, Lieutenant," Hayes growled. "I never even mentioned the training session to Archer."

Reed hit the punching bag again. "Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that? You threatened to go to the captain back on the shuttlepod!"

"What? I never threatened to go to the captain!" Hayes protested.

"Really? Then what did 'I'm not sure that's how the captain would see it' mean?" Reed demanded.

"That wasn't a threat! It was a statement!"

"And a pretty loaded statement at that!"

Hayes gritted his teeth. "What happened, Lieutenant? Did you humiliate yourself in front of Archer?" he asked sarcastically. Then he instantly regretted his question when he saw the grim expression on Reed's face.

"Lieutenant--" he began.

"I did more than humiliate myself in front of the captain," Reed snapped. Then he slumped miserably against the wall. Hayes's anger transformed briefly into concern.

"What happened?" he asked.

Reed glared at him. "Why the hell do you care?"

Hayes put his hands on his hips. "You come in here firing off accusations and wonder if I care? Of course I care! Spit it out, Lieutenant!"

"Fine!" Reed shot back. "After the captain informed me that you hadn't discussed the extra training session with him, he wanted to know why we hadn't resolved our differences yet. I said that this was just a minor disagreement and that we had settled things."

Hayes snorted and shook his head skeptically.

"Yes, that was the captain's response as well," Reed said wryly. "He then accused me of having a chip on my shoulder. He said that it's coloured my judgment and affected my actions." Reed's hands curled into fists. "He thinks I've been questioning his decisions more lately and reluctant to follow orders. He says that I haven't been myself, that I've changed. I told him that if he really wanted to see who's changed, he should take a good long look in the mirror."

Hayes winced. "You didn't."

"Oh, I bloody well did!" Reed cried, eyes blazing. "He makes deals with slave traders and interrogates prisoners in airlocks and he thinks _I've_ changed!" Reed pushed off the wall and drove his fist into the punching bag again.

Hayes watched Reed throw a few more punches. Then he grabbed the bag and held it still. Reed paused, nodded, and then pounded the bag some more.

"Keep talking, Lieutenant," Hayes said. "What happened next?"

Reed took a long, shaky breath. "He said I had no right to judge him and that everything he's done has been for the sake of the mission. He then accused me of undermining his efforts."

Hayes's fingers dug into the bag as he thought back to that conversation where a delusional Archer had accused Reed of sabotage. "Undermine? How?" he asked, managing to keep his voice calm.

"He says I've been questioning his command style and criticizing his methods, when I've been doing everything I can to help him!" Reed stopped his assault on the punching bag. Dropping his hands, he bowed his head. "At least, I thought I was helping him." Reed sounded defeated. "He once told me that he valued my opinions, but he hasn't been interested in what I've had to say since we started this mission. But, then, I suppose that's a bit much to expect from someone who doesn't think you can do your job."

Hayes sighed and closed his eyes. "Did the captain actually say that, or is this what _you_ believe?"

Reed looked up sharply. "He didn't have to say it, Major. Your presence on this ship is all the proof I need!"

"Oh, for Christ's sake!" Hayes shoved the bag away angrily. "I can't believe you're _still_ going on about that crap!"

Reed crossed his arms. "If the captain thought I could handle my job properly, he never would have brought you and the MACOs on board," he said stiffly.

"We weren't brought on board to take over security," Hayes ground out.

"Then why were you brought on board?" Reed cried. "My team is fully trained! We don't need any help!"

Hayes bit back a laugh. "Yeah, sure you don't," he muttered.

Reed's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly what it sounds like, Lieutenant," Hayes snarled. "You and your men are trained in security, not combat."

"In case you've forgotten, I'm the tactical officer, Major!" Reed snapped. "I know about combat!"

"Knowing about combat and experiencing combat firsthand are two very different things, Lieutenant."

"We've engaged in combat plenty of times!"

"Yeah, from your tactical station, the torpedo launchers--"

"We've engaged in hand-to-hand combat too!"

"I've read the reports," Hayes said. "Your 'combat' experiences were mostly shoot-outs and skirmishes."

"Well, I'm sorry that a full-scale war hasn't broken out before this, Major! We might have impressed you then!" Reed shouted.

"I'm not the one you should be trying to impress, Lieutenant!" Hayes barked. "You should be trying to impress the Xindi! They're the enemy, not me! But you can't see that, can you?" Hayes shook his head in disgust and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Reed demanded.

Hayes stopped in front of the door, but didn't turn around. "I can't do this anymore," he answered. "I'm sick and tired of it. I'm sick and tired of your constant sarcasm. Sick and tired of your tantrums and power games. Sick and tired of your insecurity and paranoia." Hayes threw up his hands helplessly. "You've got issues, Lieutenant. More issues than any sane person has a right to have."

Hayes looked over his shoulder at Reed. The lieutenant was staring back at him, stunned. Shaking his head again, Hayes hit the wall panel and stormed out of the gym.

* * *

"I think you oughta sit down," Tucker said.

Hayes had ended up in engineering after the argument. When Tucker had seen the major's face, he had informed his staff that he was going on break. Then he had placed a hand on Hayes's back and suggested they visit the observation lounge. Now Hayes was pacing back and forth, while Tucker stood at a safe distance.

"I don't want to sit down," Hayes said. "I want to get off this damn ship."

"Uh...that could be a little difficult..."

"I'm a MACO. If there's a way off this ship, I'll find it."

"In the middle of outer space?" Tucker asked in disbelief.

Hayes stopped pacing for a moment. "I didn't say it would be easy, Commander."

Tucker grinned and shook his head. "Look, Major, I know the last couple of days have been sorta rough and all--"

"This isn't about the mutiny," Hayes snapped. Then he lowered his voice. "Not directly, anyway."

"Not directly? Okay. But it does have something to do with Malcolm, right?"

"_All_ of my problems have something to do with _Malcolm._"

"Okay, I guess that was a stupid question," Tucker said sheepishly. "What happened? Were you two sparring again?"

"No, not this time," Hayes muttered.

"Well, thank God for that!"

Hayes stopped pacing altogether and met Tucker's eyes. "It was worse than sparring, Commander," he said.

Tucker's jaw dropped. "Worse than...? I think you'd better start from the beginning, Major," he said, dragging Hayes to the nearest couch.

Hayes took a deep breath and started to tell Tucker what had happened in the gym. Tucker listened patiently to what Hayes had to say, though the MACO was sure that Tucker had questions. By the end of the narration, Tucker was sitting in a shocked daze.

"He...he was probably just blowing off steam," Tucker said. "He's been under a lot of stress lately."

"Commander, it was more than just blowing off steam. He's off his freaking rocker."

Tucker glared at him. "Don't you think you might be over-reacting a bit, Major?"

"You weren't in the gym with him."

"Yeah, I know." Tucker sighed. "Malcolm isn't the easiest person to get along with. I was just about ready to kill him when we were stuck in that shuttlepod for three days. But he came through for me. Probably saved my life." Tucker smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that Malcolm may be a lot of things, but he's not crazy. At least, no more crazy than the rest of us."

"Is that supposed to be comforting?" Hayes grumbled.

"Hey, considering that you were pointing a gun at a dead insectoid, I don't think you should be making judgments about anyone else's sanity," Tucker said.

Hayes rose from the couch and walked over to one of the windows. He pretended to be studying the stars and not just hiding his embarrassment.

"Reed confides in you a lot, doesn't he?"

"Sometimes," Tucker said, "but not a lot. More than he used to, I guess."

"Because you earned his trust?"

"Well, I'm his friend if that's what you mean."

"I suppose it is."

Hayes raised a hand to the window to touch a tiny star that was several hundred light years away. Then he heard a creak from the couch and Tucker was beside him.

"There's something about Malcolm you need to understand," Tucker said. "Enterprise means everything to him. It's his whole life and, even if he doesn't always show it, he cares deeply about the people on this ship."

"I know that," Hayes said softly. "I've seen it."

"Then you've gotta understand how he would react to anyone who might threaten that."

"But I'm not a threat!" Hayes cried, throwing up his hands. "I couldn't take over his job even if I wanted to! I don't know a power coupling from a warp coil. I don't have his skills, knowledge or training."

"Oh, Malcolm knows that. Deep, deep down inside. But then you're not the real threat. You never have been. You're just the scapegoat."

"What? But if I'm just the scapegoat then who's...?" Hayes's eyes widened. "Archer? Archer's the threat?"

"Uh huh." Tucker smiled. "After everything you've just told me, I'm sure of it."

"But...if Reed had a problem with the captain then why didn't he just go to him in the first place?"

Tucker rolled his eyes. "Because this is Malcolm we're talking about. He always has to make things more complicated. Besides, it's much easier for him to take out his anger on you instead of the captain. He respects and admires the captain. He'd do anything for him. He comes from a navy family. It's like a biological imperative or something."

"So instead of going to Archer with his concerns, he decided that it would be easier to take his anger, fear and paranoia out on me?"

"Exactly."

Hayes turned away from the window. "He's insane."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Tucker admitted, "though isn't there an old adage--?"

"No, Commander, 'it doesn't take one to know one'!" Hayes said sharply.

"Actually, I was going to say, 'If you can't beat 'em join 'em'. But I think your expression works better." Tucker grinned and moved towards the door. "I'd better get back to engineering."

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea, Commander," Hayes growled.

Tucker laughed and shook his head. "Yep, you're both cut from the same cloth, all right," he said. Then he made a hasty retreat from the observation lounge. Hayes turned back to the window and pressed his throbbing head against the glass.

He couldn't understand it. Just when he thought he had made his peace with Reed, the old hostilities would flare up again. Maybe a truce would never work because they weren't even able to negotiate. Maybe they would always be at each other's throats because neither one of them was willing to stand down.

* * *

Hayes wiped the sweat from his brow then frowned at his red palm. He lifted his fingers again and found a sticky, crusted line of blood above his left eyebrow. He had been so busy the last 14 hours that he hadn't even noticed the cut on his forehead. Now that it was stinging, it seemed strange that he had missed it. But then most of his body was aching from muscle strain and bruising.

After Enterprise had been attacked, Hayes had ordered the MACOs to lend whatever assistance they could to the crew. While most of his men didn't have the skills to assist with ship repairs, they had been able to search for casualties, render basic first aid and help clear away debris. It had been exhausting, backbreaking work, but Hayes hadn't heard a single complaint from the ranks. He had rarely felt prouder.

"Sir, you're bleeding and you look beat. Why don't you call it a night?"

Hayes turned his head and found Corporal McKenzie standing beside him. Her hair was falling out of its usual neat bun, blond strands clinging to her cheeks. And, yet, she seemed as alert and energetic now as she had been before the attack. He both admired and envied her seemingly endless reserve of strength and resolve.

"Sir," she repeated.

"Yeah, okay, I'll take a break," Hayes grumbled.

"With all due respect, sir, I think it would be better if you crashed for a few hours."

"It's nice of you to be concerned, Corporal, but I need to keep working."

McKenzie crossed her arms in an uncanny impersonation of Malcolm Reed.

"Sir, in basic training you said that people make stupid, careless mistakes when they're tired, and that sleep can be a soldier's best friend."

Now Hayes crossed his arms. "I thought that food was a soldier's best friend."

"No, food is the fuel a soldier requires to function. You gave us that lecture before the one about sleep."

Hayes scratched his head, smearing more blood on his hand. "All right, I'll tell you what. I'll stop by the armoury and see if Lieutenant Reed needs any more help," Hayes said. Then he saw the expression on McKenzie's face. "Anything that can't wait," he amended. "If there's nothing crucial to be done, I'll go to my quarters and crash for an hour."

"Two hours...sir."

Hayes sighed wearily. "Fine. Two hours. Christ, McKenzie, you sound like my mother."

McKenzie smiled. "Well, we're a long way from home, sir. Maybe you need one up here."

Hayes snorted indignantly. "We'll see about that. I'll be back to relieve you soon, Corporal."

"Understood, sir," McKenzie said, saluting smartly. Hayes rolled his eyes and began the journey from C Deck to F Deck.

Reaching the armoury was not an easy feat. There was an obstacle course of debris blocking his path, while dangling wires, fallen beams and hunks of twisted metal made access through some junctions almost impossible. When Hayes finally reached his destination, he was met by a hot blast of air. Resisting the temptation to turn back, Hayes weaved his way through more rubble and managed to avoid the sparks from plasma torches.

"Has anyone seen Lieutenant Reed?" he shouted above the noise.

"He was at his work station last time I saw him, sir," Ensign Walsh answered, lifting the safety mask from his face.

Hayes nodded. "Thank you, Ensign."

When Hayes made his way to Reed's station, he was surprised to find Reed sitting motionless in his chair.

"Lieutenant?"

Reed shifted slightly, but said nothing. Hayes looked over Reed's shoulder to discover what was so engrossing. Although Hayes wasn't in Starfleet, he had learned enough about the ship's systems to recognize a series of diagnostics when he saw one. And what he saw on Reed's computer didn't look good.

"There's so much damage," Reed whispered. "I don't know where to start."

"Lieutenant, are you okay?" Hayes asked, starting to grow concerned.

"I'm fine," Reed stated. His eyes never left the small screen.

Hayes studied Reed skeptically. "With all due respect, sir, I don't think you are."

Reed turned to face Hayes. The dark grime on his face made the visible skin seem much paler.

"I'm all right. Really," Reed said. He sounded surprised. "I don't feel anything, actually. You'd think I would but I don't."

Hayes stared at Reed, feeling a sudden chill despite the heat of the armoury. That was when he remembered what Tucker had said to him in the observation lounge.

_Enterprise means everything to him. It's his whole life and, even if he doesn't always show it, he cares deeply about the people on this ship._

Hayes put a hand on Reed's shoulder. "I think you'd better have Doctor Phlox check you out."

"No, there isn't time," Reed said, shrugging the hand off his shoulder.

"Your work can wait, Lieutenant. Your team can handle things while you're gone."

Reed shook his head. "No, it's Phlox who doesn't have time. Haven't you seen sickbay yet? It's overflowing."

"Oh...right." Hayes had forgotten about that.

"Not that I have time either," Reed added, swivelling around to face his computer. Hayes grabbed the chair and spun it back again.

"You look like hell, Lieutenant. If you won't go see Doctor Phlox then at least get some sleep. Please."

"Sir." Ensign Walsh appeared at Reed's station, and Hayes wondered how much of their conversation he had heard.

"Ensign?" Reed inquired politely.

"I think Major Hayes is right. You should get some sleep, sir," Walsh said.

Reed stared at the ensign in confusion. "What?"

Hayes mouthed a "thank you" to Walsh and pulled Reed from his chair.

"But--"

"We can handle things, sir," Walsh continued. "If there's an emergency we'll call you."

"Works for me," Hayes said.

"But--" Hayes tugged on Reed's arm and led him from the battered armoury. Once they were out in the corridor, Hayes released his grip, hoping Reed would go to his quarters voluntarily. He didn't know whether to be relieved or worried when Reed accompanied him without protest.

When they were outside Reed's quarters, Reed didn't even attempt to key in his code, but wrenched the door open himself. As Reed didn't shut the door, Hayes invited himself in.

Compared to some areas of the ship, Reed's quarters weren't in bad shape. The shelf above the bed had fallen, but it hadn't held much. Hayes cleared the mess quickly, propping the shelf up against a wall. He glanced at Reed. The lieutenant was flipping through a book, checking for damage. It figured.

As Reed was already occupied, Hayes decided to assess the condition of the head. He looked inside and grimaced. Well, Reed wouldn't be taking a shower any time soon. Hayes moved to the sink and tested the taps, noting in satisfaction that Reed had running water at least. Then he found a relatively clean towel and soaked part of it under warm water, leaving the rest of it dry.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up a bit, Lieutenant," Hayes said as he walked out of the head. Reed looked up from the book and gazed at Hayes blankly, as if he hadn't seen the major follow him into the room.

Hayes lifted the book from Reed's hands and guided him to the bed. Both men sat down on the mattress, and Hayes began to wipe the grime from Reed's face. The fact that Reed allowed Hayes to do this was something else Hayes found unsettling.

Hayes had just finished drying Reed's face, and was inspecting his handiwork, when Reed finally spoke.

"You missed a spot," he said.

"What? Where?" Hayes squinted, trying to find that one errant speck of dirt.

Reed took the towel and raised it to Hayes's forehead. The major hissed through his teeth.

"Sorry, but if I don't clean it, it will become infected," Reed stated, treating the cut on Hayes's forehead.

"It's okay," Hayes said.

"It looks painful."

"No. It just stings a little."

Reed smiled faintly, lowering the towel. "Someone should kiss it better, don't you think?" Reed cupped Hayes's face in his hands and pressed his lips to Hayes's forehead. Hayes stared at Reed in amazement.

"Lieutenant..."

Reed rubbed a thumb along Hayes's cheekbone then pressed his mouth against Hayes's lips. The kiss was gentle, almost hesitant, as if Reed feared that he would be rebuffed. It took all of Hayes's willpower to break that kiss. "This isn't why I'm here," Hayes said quietly.

"I don't care."

"Lieutenant--"

Reed grabbed Hayes by the front of his uniform. "I need you."

"What?" Hayes gasped.

Reed closed his eyes. "I thought I'd want to be alone, but now...I want you to stay. Do you think that's wrong after...after everything that's happened?"

Hayes tried to push words past the sudden lump in his throat. He didn't think he had ever heard a man sound so hurt or vulnerable. "No, I don't think it's wrong," he said hoarsely. "I'll stay if that's what you really want."

The fingers clenched in Hayes's uniform loosened before working to strip it off Hayes's body. Hayes was down to his t-shirt and briefs before he was able to pry Reed off long enough to reach for the zipper on the lieutenant's uniform. However, before Hayes could peel off the jumpsuit, Reed directed his hand to another zipper--the one on the right side of his chest.

Digging inside the pocket, Hayes produced a tube of lubricant.

"Eagle Scouts?"

"Eagle Scouts."

Hayes tossed the lube on the bed and finished removing Reed's uniform.

When they were naked, Reed stretched out on the bed, pulling Hayes beside him. Hayes began to nibble on Reed's neck, and Reed ran his hands over Hayes's muscles and along his back. Hayes moved further down Reed's body, licking both nipples and caressing the sensitive skin over Reed's ribcage. Reed moaned and gripped Hayes's ass, grinding their cocks together. Although the sensation was wonderful, Hayes had other plans.

Hayes continued to travel down the length of Reed's body, positioning himself between Reed's legs. Reed moaned again as Hayes took his cock in his mouth. Then his hips bucked as Hayes's teeth grazed his shaft. Hayes could feel Reed's fingers running through his hair, hear Reed's breath quicken. Reed was close, but Hayes didn't want him to come yet.

He released Reed's cock and picked up the lube. Squeezing a generous amount on his fingers, he reached for Reed's penis. Reed wrapped a hand around Hayes's wrist and stopped him.

"I want you to be on top," Reed said.

"You do?" Hayes asked in surprise. "Are you sure?" Hayes had assumed that if they ever had sex again, Reed would still insist on being on top.

"I want to feel you inside me," Reed said in a small voice. "I...I want to feel something. _Anything._"

Hayes swallowed then freed his wrist from Reed's grasp. "Okay," he whispered.

He spread the lube from his hand over his own cock, before greasing his fingers with a fresh application. Locking eyes with Reed, Hayes pressed one digit into Reed's anus. Reed inhaled sharply, immediately tensing.

"You've got to relax, Lieutenant," Hayes said, massaging the inside of one thigh with his free hand. "We can't do this if you don't."

"I'll try."

"I know." Hayes moved the finger embedded in Reed's ass, trying to ease the tight muscles. When Reed groaned and opened his legs wider, Hayes took this as a sign to add another finger.

By the time Hayes had inserted four fingers, Reed was panting and clutching the sheets.

"Are you all right?" Hayes asked, feeling a little breathless himself as he took in the sight before him.

"Oh, yes...yes..." Reed answered.

Hayes withdrew his fingers, and Reed raised his legs, resting his ankles on Hayes's shoulders. Then Hayes placed his cock against Reed's anus and pushed in slowly.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it's...it's fine..." Reed said through clenched teeth. Hayes could tell Reed was lying and he wondered how long it had been since Reed had been on the bottom. He was obviously out of practice.

Hayes felt a trickle of sweat roll down his face as he nudged the head of his cock through Reed's sphincter.

"Almost there," he grunted, before sheathing his entire penis inside of Reed. He groaned loudly at the glorious sensation of Reed's muscles clamping around him.

"God," Reed gasped, jerking his pelvis. Hayes took the hint and thrust into him. When Reed threw his head back, he repeated the motion.

"Harder," Reed insisted.

"No. It's too soon. Be patient."

"But I want to _feel_ it," Reed growled.

"And I don't want to hurt you," Hayes said firmly. "You don't need to 'feel' _that_ badly." All the same, Hayes soon found that he was having trouble fighting his own urges. On his next thrust, he drove in a little deeper.

Reed whimpered and gripped the sheets. Hayes plunged in again, wanting to hear that sound a second time. Reed rewarded him. That was when Hayes lost control and began to pound into him.

"Yes...Oh, yes," Reed moaned.

Hayes's orgasm was building with every thrust, but he was so focused on satisfying Reed, that his own climax no longer seemed to be a priority. When he felt Reed tremble, he pushed in as deeply as he could.

Reed cried out ecstatically and came as Hayes's cock hit his prostate. Ramming into Reed once more, Hayes's body shuddered and he rode out the waves of his release. Then Reed's ankles slid off his shoulders, and Hayes fell across him, panting harshly.

When Hayes had recovered, he rolled onto the mattress and threw an arm across Reed's chest. He was surprised when Reed shoved his arm off and tried to move away.

"What the hell...?" Hayes lunged back on top of Reed, pinning him to the mattress by his wrists.

"Get off me!" Reed hissed.

"Why?" Hayes demanded. "Would it kill you to stay with me for one god-damn second? It's not as if I'm asking for a lifetime commitment here. I just want to hold you for a few minutes. Is it really so much to ask?"

Reed twisted his face away and said nothing. Hayes couldn't understand. He was sure that they had finally made some kind of connection, that Reed had started to trust him, that he had lowered the walls a little. But they had obviously made no progress at all. He was wasting his time.

Hayes was about to release his hold on Reed and rise from the bed, when he heard it: a single sob.

"Malcolm..."

Reed was struggling, desperate to break free. Hayes wrapped his arms around him and rolled onto his back, pulling Reed with him. Then he was holding Reed against his chest, cradling the back of his head with one hand.

"Shh..." he soothed. "It's okay. Let it go."

Reed's shoulders started shaking and he clung to Hayes, sobbing. Hayes rubbed Reed's back, tears prickling in his own eyes.

"Fourteen people are dead," Reed choked out. "I was supposed to protect them, but there were so many ships attacking us. I couldn't..."

"It wasn't your fault," Hayes said gently.

Reed's grip on Hayes tightened. "But it's my job to protect the ship! The safety of the crew is my responsibility!"

Hayes kissed Reed's forehead. "You did the best you could. The ship is still in one piece. That's what counts."

Reed tensed in Hayes's arms. "I didn't save the ship," he said in a shaky voice. "It's falling apart."

"Enterprise can be fixed," Hayes answered, brushing the hair from Reed's forehead.

Reed jerked his head away, though he didn't try to escape from Hayes. "What about the people who were killed?" he spat. "They can't be fixed. They're dead because I failed."

"Lieutenant--" Hayes began.

"The captain was right," Reed whispered harshly. "I can't do my job. I can't do anything." He trembled, and Hayes watched helplessly as he started to cry again. At a total loss, Hayes continued to hold Reed, offering what comfort he could.

He would protect him. Reed wouldn't make it easy, but he had to try. This mission had just gone from dangerous to deadly. It had taken 14 lives today, and Hayes knew there would be more. He couldn't stand the thought that Reed's might be one of them.

Hayes silently promised to do everything in his power to save him.


End file.
